My oldest leaves for college. I have been meaning to sit them down for The Talk, the one where you hand over everything you know about money and risk and not wrecking your life in a single sitting. I figured that I wouldn’t get it all right and it would be impossible for them to remember. So I wrote it down.
What follows is that letter, lightly edited. None of it is clever. Life and financial best practices like: don’t carry a credit card balance, freeze your credit, sleep, call me when things go wrong. The boring stuff is the stuff that works, and most of us learn it too late.
I’m publishing it in case you’re sending someone off too, or in case you’re the one leaving. Take what’s useful. Skip the rest.
Adulting 101
Before any of the rest of it: I am proud of you, and you are more ready for this than you feel. You will get things wrong. That is the point of going. Call me when you want to, not because you have to.
A few principles I hope you carry with you. You do not need to master all of this at once. The goal is to build a good base, avoid big mistakes, and give yourself more freedom over time.
1. Mindset for Life
Your mindset will matter more than almost anything else as life unfolds.
Do not let one mistake become your identity.
You will mess up. Learn the lesson, pay the tuition, move forward. A mistake once is experience. The same mistake again and again is a problem to solve.
Take calculated risks.
A safe life is not the same as a good life. Do not avoid change just because it is uncomfortable.
Do not expect instant success
Nobody owes you anything. Earn trust, build skill, do the work. Compounding works in money, skills, health, and relationships. None of it shows up fast. Most good things take several attempts. Early failure is not proof you cannot do it.
The rest, in no particular order:
Do not dwell on the past. Feel it, learn from it, then move. What is the point of carrying it?
Avoid self-pity. Bad things happen to everyone. Feel them, then move.
Do not let jealousy run you. Someone will always be richer, smarter, luckier, or further ahead. Their success does not shrink your path.
Do not obsess over what you cannot control. Put your energy where your actions matter.
Do not try to please everyone. It is impossible and it will make you doubt yourself. Be kind, but have a spine.
Do not give others power over you. Your worth does not depend on anyone’s approval.
Do not avoid solitude and silence. You need quiet to hear yourself think.
2. Take Care of Yourself First
You are about to be fully in charge of your own body and mind for the first time.
Sleep is not optional.
Pulling all-nighters feels productive and is not. Lack of sleep wrecks your mood, your memory, and your judgment.
Move and eat like someone who plans to be around a while.
You do not need to be perfect. Walk, get some sun, do not live on energy drinks and vending machines.
Asking for help is a skill, not a weakness.
Office hours, your RA, your advisor, daddy and mommy. You don’t have to white-knuckle a problem for months rather than ask a question. Be the one who asks.
Drink slowly or not at all, and never lose track of your own count.
Don’t drink would be my advice but if you must, be aware. Do not take a drink you did not watch get poured, and do not leave one unattended.
Never get in a car with a drunk driver, and never be one.
Walk, call a ride, sleep on the floor. There is no version of this where saving some money is worth the risk.
Important Reminder
If you are ever in a place where you feel unsafe with your own thoughts, you can go to the campus counseling center or a doctor. You can always call me or your mother, any hour.
3. Protect Yourself From Scams and Theft
Before trying to get rich, avoid getting wiped out.
If it sounds too good to be true, stop.
Pause. Do not rush. Scammers create urgency because clear thinking is their enemy.
Credit freezes
Freeze your credit at the major credit bureaus. It helps prevent identity theft and fraudulent accounts.
Virtual credit cards
Use virtual cards when possible, especially for online subscriptions or merchants you do not fully trust.
Be careful with money and friends
Trust people, but be safe. Money can damage relationships. Be especially careful with loans, investments, shared expenses, and vague promises.
4. Money, Now
Debt is not always evil, but it is dangerous when used casually.
No credit card balances
Never carry credit card debt. Pay the full balance every month. Credit cards are tools, not loans.
Avoid debt unless it has a clear purpose
Debt reduces freedom. The fewer fixed obligations you have, the more choices you have.
Spend less than you earn, even when “earn” is small.
The habit matters more than the amount right now. How much you save will matter more than how cleverly you invest for a long time.
Keep a cash buffer.
Enough to cover a surprise so you are never forced into a bad decision. Build toward a few months of expenses over time. Any amount beats zero.
When you do invest, keep it brutally simple.
Broad, low-cost index funds (VTI or VOO for now). Boring is good. You own the whole market instead of trying to outsmart it. Use a low-cost platform like Vanguard, not a bank. Banks are good for banking and will happily sell you high-fee products that are not in your interest.
5. Money Later (Read This When You Have a Real Salary)
None of this applies until you have a steady income, so do not worry about it yet. When you land a real job, send me a message and we will set it up together in about an hour. Rough order:
401(k) up to the employer match. Free money, take it first.
HSA, if you have a high-deductible health plan.
Backdoor Roth IRA, if your income is too high to contribute directly.
Max the 401(k).
Mega-backdoor Roth, if your employer plan supports it.
Taxable brokerage for anything beyond that.
And when life gets bigger (a partner, kids, a house, real assets), term life insurance if people depend on you (simple term, never whole life sold as an “investment”), disability and umbrella insurance, a will, and basic estate planning. Not now. Just know it exists and we can talk through them later.
6. The Big Picture
Build a life with options.
Choose good people. Be a good person.
Stay humble. Keep learning.
Do not let one mistake become your identity.
Spend less than you earn. Avoid stupid debt.
Invest simply and consistently.
Protect against the few catastrophic risks.
The goal is not to get obsessed with money. The goal is to make money boring enough that you can focus on the people, the work, and the life that actually matter.
Very good list, but one big missing thing is to invest in good relationships. Make the effort to keep in touch with people, build your community/network, have a small number of very close friends who are like family. Especially when one gets older, it is life changing to have this, and there is a compounding effect of having a friendship over decades.
"The goal is to make money boring enough that you can focus on the people, the work, and the life that actually matter." Amen, and thank you for saying it!